“Shape Shifter” is the stage name of July R. Carlan, an American accountant and ex-transgender activist who gets money and attention by making it harder for others to get trans healthcare.
Background
July Roxella Carlan was born on July 11, 1990. Carlan had a “consensual” sexual experience at age 11 and came out as gay to unaccepting parents at 16.
At age 22 in graduate school, Carlan learned about nonbinary identities and booked an appointment at Fenway Health in Boston on November 15, 2012. At the initial consultation, Carlan described a pattern of high-risk sexual behavior as well as incidents of anti-LGBT discrimination and assault. Carlan also expressed a desire to become pregnant.
Affter signing an informed consent form on December 27, 2012, Carlan began hormones via Fenway Health. In a follow-up appointment in March 2013, a therapist noted Carlan’s “internalized transphobia,” because Carlan wanted to “be seen as more than a trans woman.”
By mid-December 2013, Carlan reported inconsistent use of hormones in order to regain sexual function and engage in high-risk sexual behavior. In December 2014, Carlan reported:
depression and anxiety
seeking validation through sex
struggles with sexual compulsivity and hopes that GRS will reduce sexual urges
did not want to take hormones in order to enjoy sex
could not find a job in finance and had “begun a career in strip dancing”
In the first half of 2015, Carlan had multiple therapy sessions and received clearance for bottom surgery.
After getting elective bottom surgery as an adult, Carlan “realized I was just a castrated man.” Carlan has sometimes identified as a “homosexual transsexual,” a term promoted by anti-transgender activists.
On or about May 10, 2022, at age 31, Carlan publicly announced plans to make additional gender changes. Carlan no longer identifies as a trans woman, “but as a gender-non-conforming man.” Carlan reportedly just liked feminine clothing and makeup.
Carlan is a Certified Public Accountant in Massachusetts. Carlan is in a relationship with a “sugar daddy” who is nearly 50 years older. Howard Carlan (born December 6, 1941) goes by “Cat Man” in their videos.
Anti-transgender activism
Carlan has regret about taking some medical gender transition steps and has found an anti-trans audience who wants to amplify these rare cases of regret.
In 2022, Carlan testified against healthcare for trans youth before the Florida Board of Medicine.
In addition to numerous media appearances about regret, Carlan has also been critical of trans athletes and supports misinformation and conspiracy theories about trans healthcare.
On October 12, 2023, Carlan filed a lawsuit against Fenway Community Health Center. On March 28, 2025 Judge Myong J. Joun entered a decision that “Fenway is dismissed from this action.”
Court Listener (Oct. 12, 2023). Carlan v. Fenway Community Health Center, Inc. 1:23-cv-12361, (D. Mass.) https://www.courtlistener.com/docket/67878127/carlan-v-fenway-community-health-center-inc/
Brently Kopopolous and Daniel de la Fé (January 20, 2023). Dangerous Rhetoric 99: Camille Kiefel Dangerous Rhetoric https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTjzPkUa-VI
“Phil S. Illy” is the stage name of Phil Hutchinson, an American circus performer and “autogynephilia” activist.
Hutchinson proposes “autoheterosexuality” as a more value-neutral term that includes two controversial concepts: “autogynephilia” (AGP) and “autoandrophilia” (AAP).
Background
Philip M. “Phil” Hutchinson was born on September 5, 1987 to Christopher Hutchinson and Sandra L. (Ille) “Sandy” Hutchinson. Hutchinson grew up in Schenectady, New York and has a sibling Steven N. “Steve” Hutchinson.
Hutchinson’s stage name is a pun on a family name, Ille, as well as a pun of “Phil Is Silly” or “Phil’s Silly.”
Activism
Hutchinson is active on reddit under the username gockstar. The term “gock” is slang among a subset of trans and gender diverse gamers for “girlcock.”
Hutchinson is author of of the 2023 book Autoheterosexual: Attracted to Being the Other Sex. “Autogynephilia” activist and disgraced anesthesiologist Anne Lawrence said Hutchinson’s “amateurish book disrespects my research.”
“Autogynephilia” as a taxonomy appeals to a very specific type of person: neurodiverse, fixated on collecting and categorizing, socially isolated/eccentric, rigid thinking.
Hutchinson was invited to the 2023 anti-transgender conference “The Puzzle of Sexual Orientation” founded by Lee Ellis.
In 2023 Hutchinson attended the anti-transgender Genspect conference, leading to significant controversy:
We had a photographer who was diligently taking photos at the event and one of the photos taken was of two attendees, Laura Becker, a detransitioned woman, and Phil Illy, a man in a dress. Phil is unusual – he is a self-confessed autogynephile who has written a book that puts forward his conceptualisation of autogynephilia (a paraphilia that refers to a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female) and redefines it as ‘autoheterosexuality’. Phil did not speak at the conference nor did he sell his book there.
Critics pointed out that the disease “autogynephilia” is considered by its creators to be a sexual disorder that involves nonconsenting adults or the suffering and humiliation of others. Hutchinson’s “public display of fetish” is akin to someone who exposes themselves to others for sexual gratification, according to the anti-trans extremists with whom Hutchinson associates.
Others pointed out that Hutchinson’s book advocates for awareness and recognition of autoerotic expressions of race, age, species, and ability. O’Malley removed Hutchinson’s book from Genspect’s recommended reading list after learning that Hutchinson supported youth transition.
According to the Daily Dot, Hutchinson is also involved in activism around race change to another, or RCTA:
Author Phil Illy has studied race dysphoria and transracialism, including by surveying people who identify as transracial.
Based on this work and academic research on the subject, Illy believes that RCTA is very similar to race dysphoria despite members of transracial communities rejecting the comparison.
“RCTA refers to imagining oneself as another race or having an enduring wish to be another race,” he told the Daily Dot. “It happens when a person’s race-based attraction includes the desire to be the race they love.”
Illy said that many people he interviewed who identify as transracial describe racial dysphoria in starkly negative terms.
Frieda Klotz is an Irish-American writer and anti-transgender activist. Klotz launders anti-trans extremism about gender diverse youth into mainstream media outlets. Klotz has been cited by American anti-trans organizations supporting legislation harming our children.
Background
Frieda Marie Klotz was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1977 to Margaret Klotz and Frederick S. “Fred” Klotz, an American mathematician who died when Frieda was a child in an April 1988 Dublin cycle accident.
Klotz studied ancient Greek, earning a bachelor’s degree from Fred Klotz’s former employer Trinity College, Dublin, in 2000. Klotz then continued at University of Oxford, earning a master’s degree in 2001 and a doctorate in 2005. From 2005 to 2007 Klotz taught at King’s College London.
In 2007 Klotz began a long string of reviewing, editing, writing, fact-checking, and researching roles for Daily Telegraph, Euromoney, New York Times Syndicate, Irishcentral, journalism professor Susie Linfield, Salon, and New York Times Digital.
In 2011 Klotz co-edited The Philosopher’s Banquet with Katerina Oikonomopoulou. Klotz was then a contributor for The Chronicle Review, Forbes, Shimon Dotan at Roam Films, Irish Times, Prospect, The Guardian, Irish Echo, Irish Voice, the Irish Times, The Economist, MIT Sloan Management Review, Ireland’s Sunday Independent, and Diplomacy Dojo. Klotz has also written several white papers for the British government and the New York Times Company.
Klotz began attacking healthcare for transgender children while based in Brussels.
2022 Undark article
In 2022, Klotz began writing the first of many versions of the same article about gender diverse youth. These “cisgender person under siege” articles typically center a cisgender person as a hero facing assaults from “both sides.” For Klotz, the cis hero is Annelou de Vries and colleagues, and the two sides are:
Right-wing politicians, religious conservatives, and some health care associations are calling for medical treatment of teens to be banned or avoided if at all possible
Some activists and physicians say the protocol is too slow.
Klotz’s false equivalence between executing eliminationist policies and removing barriers to care is a hallmark of what biologist Julia Serano calls trans-suspicious reporting.
Klotz continues The Atlantic’s shameful leading role in “just asking questions.” This cognitive bias is called a framing effect. Here are Klotz’s questions:
But pediatric transgender medicine is a new field with a lot of questions yet to be answered by science. What is the long-term impact of blocking puberty on a young person’s health? Can practitioners correctly determine which youngsters will still identify as trans when they are adults? Do the psychological assessments contribute to children’s suffering by delaying access to puberty blockers and hormones? Why has the number of teens coming forward to receive transgender medical care, particularly those assigned female at birth, risen so dramatically in recent years?
Klotz then rattles off the litany of risks and complications recited by conservatives:
“desistance”
bone loss
brain development
genital atrophy (with an assumption of vaginoplasty)
medical consent
reproductive viability
For the “right-wing politicians, religious conservatives, and some health care associations” engaged in an assault on trans rights and autonomy we have a couple of sentences about:
The Heritage Foundation
Family Policy Alliance
All the usual suspects advocating “careful therapeutic assessments” and banning informed consent before age 26 are presented as the centrist position:
Klotz wrote the same article for The Atlantic the following year, but with Finland and Norway added as countries with concerns. This article tries to shore up an alleged clinical distinction between young children and “adolescent-onset gender dysphoria,” a euphemism for the fake disease “rapid-onset gender dysphoria.”
A group of journalists have been hitting the same talking points as their English-speaking counterparts. As trans journalists and researchers work to stay on top of the flood of anti-transgender propaganda being being laundered into “centrist” publications, journalist Marieke Kuypers has given a first-blush overview of the Dutch political situation. Kuypers’ Twitter thread is below. More on this soon.
This is a critical response to the article by the Dutch Transgender Network. They link to a pdf with extensive references, you can throw that in Google translate as well using the documents tab https://t.co/k5gGfDjSpz
A quick thread for any English speakers about something I’ve been afraid of ever since the publication of a Dutch article about the Dutch Approach that was heavily biased. It’s been used as more evidence of this “increasing” concern in an Atlantic piece
Kuitenbrouwer and Vasterman are not qualified to judge gender care. One is a media sociologist, the other a columnist. Kuitenbrouwer is rabidly transphobic, calling the “trans-movement bloodthirsty”. They were also on a Genspect sponsored podcast
For some of Kuitenbrouwer’s massively transphobic work, check out these articles:
Vasterman shared the Undark article by the same author as the Atlantic piece, Frieda Klotz in april last year
Uitstekend gedocumenteerd overzichtsverhaal over de oorsprong van the Dutch approach, wereldwijd overgenomen maar nu onder vuur: “A Dutch clinic pioneered transgender medical care for kids, shaping decades of research amid criticism from all sides.” https://undark.org/2022/04/06/the-evolution-of-pediatric-transgender-medicine/
To make the connection even more complete, Kuitenbrouwer apparently knew about the Volkskrant article before it was published, according to this tweet in which he says there’s an article coming about the Dutch approach. Did he influence the article? https://twitter.com/kuitenbrouwer/status/1627664286280519682?s=20
I also spoke to someone who was interviewed for the article and retracted their story once they read the article. The told me and I have evidence that the authors spoke to anti-trans activist Michael Biggs. How much influence did he have?
The influence of anti-trans groups does seem obvious, they even link to one in the Volkskrant article referencing SEGM as a “group of 120 doctors”. It does not have 120 members who are doctors, but about a dozen, amongst them Michael Biggs
“SEGM is an ideological organization without apparent ties to mainstream scientific organizations. Its 14 core members are a small group of repeat players in anti-trans activities – a fact that the SEGM website does not disclose” Volkskrant ook niet
Furthermore, the detransitioner in the story matches (same process, ages of treatment, same very specific story about a back surgery and the account proudly retweeted the article) the Twitter account of someone who was invited by anti-trans group Genspect to a detrans house
I’m rushing the analysis I was already writing about the Volkskrant article and how it was influenced by anti-trans groups and will try to publish a translated version as soon as possible and add it to this thread once it’s finished.
Want to know what dr. De Vries thinks? Here are her own words in the book about the Dutch Approach by Alex Bakker:
Oh look Kuitenbrouwer seems to admit he “crossed paths” with the Dutch journalists. (I wasn’t sacked by the way, shows how reliable this guy’s info is)
Ahw I think he doesn’t like me so he blocked me. Here’s a screenshot
So apart from Vasterman &Kuitenbrouwer being unqualified & transphobic, Frieda Klotz fails to mention that contrary to the moral panic about the increase in “girls” (trans boys) in the most recent Dutch research (2022) the ratio has actually reversed to more trans women
You can find this recent research (in Dutch) here. Another interesting finding in light of the moral panic: years long waiting lists are causing mental distress (mostly in the form of depressive or suicidal feelings) for 70% of the group that was surveyed https://zorgvuldigadvies.nl/wp-content/upl
Transgender Netwerk Nederland (March 10, 2023). Belangenorganisaties Trekken Aan De Bel Over Onzorgvuldige Journalistiek [Interest groups are sounding the alarm about careless journalism] https://www.transgendernetwerk.nl/belangenorganisaties-trekken-aan-de-bel-over-onzorgvuldige-journalistiek/
Irish Mathematical Society Bulletin 21 (December 1988), p. 6.
Laura VanZee Taylor is an American anti-transgender activist who directed the 2023 anti-trans project No Way Back as “L. E. Dawes.” After Taylor’s child came out as trans, Taylor created a propaganda piece about the ex-transgender movement. Taylor and producer Penka Kouneva are responsible for including convicted sex offender David Arthur Kendall as one of the ex-trans activists they featured.
Background
Laura Elinor Van Zee was born August 26, 1970, grew up in Medford, Oregon, then earned a bachelor’s degree from Lewis & Clark College in 1992 and a master’s degree from University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1994.
VanZee Taylor’s husband Jason Daniel Taylor (born 1970) is an executive at Facebook/Meta. They met in college, married in 1992, and have two children: Occidental College student Elinor “Ellie” Taylor and a teen who came out as trans, which sparked VanZee Taylor’s anti-trans activism.
VanZee Taylor was a creative director for Hallmark Cards in Missouri before becoming a stay-at-home parent. In 2010, after a “a mini-midlife crisis” at age 40, VanZee Taylor began making videos.
Previous media
I Am Maris (ROCO Films 2017) profiles Maris Degener, a yoga instructor who experienced significant body image issues as a teen
Walk Through This (2018) profiles Sara Schulting Kranz, whose spouse came out as bisexual 17 years into their marriage
“If Siri Was a Mom” (2016) showcases Whitney Cicero / The New Stepford
“Somewhere” (2014) features VanZee Taylor’s family
VanZee-Taylor styles both fake and real names in numerous ways:
L. E. Dawes
L.E. Dawes
L E Dawes
LE Dawes
Laura VanZee
Laura Van Zee
Laura V. Taylor
Laura VanZee-Taylor
Laura VanZee Taylor
Laura Van Zee Taylor
Anti-transgender activism
VanZee Taylor became involved in anti-transgender activism because their younger child identified as gender diverse. VanZee Taylor then connected with other unsupportive parents from the anti-trans “parental rights” movement:
COVID-19 had been hard on my youngest. Previously an extroverted, active and affectionate boy, over the lockdown he became quiet, easily agitated and withdrawn. He spent most of his time online. Then he told us he was transgender.
He said he wanted puberty blockers and then he would go on estrogen. He matter-of-factly stated that he didn’t plan on getting “bottom surgery,” but would probably want electrolysis, voice training and facial feminizing surgery such as a tracheal shave. He knew our insurance would cover it all.
My husband and I were shocked at his pronouncement. Not because we are transphobic, but because our son had never exhibited any discomfort with his body or identity. […]
I joined a local support group with more than 100 members for parents of kids with rapid-onset gender dysphoria. Hearing their stories, with so many similarities to ours, I couldn’t help but think that something other than kids finding their authentic selves was going on here. […]
And that is why I made this film. Even if my community disapproves. Even if I have to use a pseudonym to protect my son.
In the course of attacking 300,000 American children, VanZee Taylor outed their own child in the Dallas Morning News in 2023, even though their child was not out at school.
VanZee Taylor claims “I have to use a pseudonym to protect my son,” apparently feeling the best way to protect this teen was to divulge deeply personal family information in a major newspaper to promote anti-transgender propaganda.
In June 2023, this site revealed the identities of VanZee Taylor and producer Penka Kouneva and helped get theatrical screenings at AMC canceled.
As of 2024, their trans child Ruby Taylor is out, transitioned, and in college. Kouneva’s child has also transitioned. Despite this, Kouneva and Taylor continue to post anti-trans propaganda online, primarily on the 2022affirmation account.
Joseph Ladapo is a Nigerian-American physician who was a key figure in banning trans youth healthcare in Florida.
Background
Joseph Abiodun Ladapo was born on December 16, 1978 in Nigeria. At age 5, Ladapo and family moved to the Uniter States.
Ladapo earned a bachelor’s degree from Wake Forest University in 2000, then attended Harvard, earning a medical degree and a doctorate. After working in New York City, Ladapo was appointed a tenured professor at UCLA.
During the COVID pandemic, Ladapo became known among convervatives for views on vaccines and other protocols. In 2021, Ladapo was appointed Surgeon General of Florida by Governor Ron DeSantis.
Anti-transgender activism
Ladapo has carried out anti-trans policies promoted by DeSantis, most notably SB 254, a law prohibiting gender-affirming medical treatment for minors and restricting access to care for trans adults.
Transgender Floridians brought Doe v. Ladapo to challenge this law.
Via Zinnia Jones:
We now know that the state was covertly assisted in this effort by the leadership of the anti-trans group Genspect, Child & Parental Rights Campaign lawyer Vernadette Broyles, and Riittakerttu Kaltiala of Finland’s Tampere University youth gender clinic; Hilary Cass of NHS England’s Cass Review also privately expressed an interest in the sham report against gender-affirming care commissioned by Florida’s AHCA. Several individuals worked behind the scenes with Patrick Hunter, a leading member of the anti-trans Society for Evidence-based Gender Medicine (SEGM). After being appointed by Governor Ron DeSantis to the Board of Medicine, Hunter arranged for extensive anti-trans testimony from SEGM associates to be submitted to the Boards of Medicine and Osteopathy.
Ladapo has also appeared on a number of anti-trans platforms, including Tim Pool, Megyn Kelly, Glenn Beck, Epoch Times, Newsmax, Dennis Prager, Charlie Kirk, and Debra Soh.
References
Doe v. Ladapo (4:23-cv-00114) District Court, N.D. Florida https://www.courtlistener.com/docket/67082532/doe-v-ladapo/
Riley, John (December 27, 2023). DeSantis Spread Misinformation to Limit Trans Health Care, Judge Says. MetroWeekly https://www.metroweekly.com/2023/12/desantis-spread-misinformation-to-limit-trans-health-care-judge-says/
Alfonseca, Kiara (March 23, 2023). Florida parents file lawsuit against state transgender youth care ban. ABC News https://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-parents-file-lawsuit-state-transgender-youth-care/story?id=98086864
Kendra Blewitt is an American writer, amateur tennis player, and “autogynephilia” activist.
Background
Kendra Susan Blewitt was born in August 1945. Blewitt lives in San Francisco and lists as occupation independent writing and editing professional. Blewitt got a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from UICC in 1974.
I corresponded with Kendra in 2003. Kendra talks about time living “as Kendra” as well as her time living “as Ken.”
I am thankful to Kendra for sharing this letter about why psychologist and “autogynephilia” activist J. Michael Bailey is not offensive– Blewitt agrees with Bailey’s model that “transsexuals” may have a form of deviancy. As Kendra notes, “If you turn out deviant, say, homosexual or paraphilic, that is a fact of your existence that you must learn to live with.”
Let me state a couple of things about myself at the onset: (1) I am post-op. I was approved for SRS in April, 2002 by a well-known and very experienced gender therapist, Dr. Barbara Anderson; and I had the surgery done by Dr. Preecha last August. (2) I am autogynephilic. I never claimed to be a woman trapped in a man’s body to Dr. Anderson. I told her I wanted SRS because I had a condition of the sex drive, namely autogynephilia.
Because I was completely inexperienced at dressing and did not know anyone in the TG community when I showed up in San Francisco to start my year of RLE under Dr. Anderson, she had me go to TG support groups in order to meet the people of the group. For a year I went to two support groups every week > one in SF and one in Berkeley.
The people in the SF group were “indigent” types — mostly girls on SSI for mental problems, and prostitutes. The people at the Berkeley group mostly had jobs. In the course of attending these two support groups for a year I came to know pretty much the whole spectrum of types of the TG group — everything from the “gender-fucked” bearded man who liked to go out in public in a short skirt and nylon stockings (he was a very nice man, by the way), to very passable TS women who mostly lived in stealth, to queens who worked the street.
I am sure I don’t know the group as well as you, Andrea, since I’ve only been Kendra for a couple of years. But I do have some experience in this regard.
Since I’ve been in SF I have also acquired some experience with the gay group. I have an apartment at Geary and Leavenworth. My neighborhood used to be very gay until the AIDS epidemic hit, and there still are a lot of gay men in this neighborhood.
There used to be several gay bars and also a queen bar named the Black Rose in my neighborhood. Now there is only one gay bar — the Hob Nob Lounge. It has been in existence for 27 years, I have been told. It is right across the street from my apartment. I go there all the time — I am a regular there.
The men at the Hob Nob are mostly older men who have lived in SF for many years. As older men are prone to do, especially when they’ve been drinking, the men in this bar reminisce about their lives a lot. I have learned a good deal about gay men from the many hours I’ve spent in this bar.
Now then, I have not encountered anything in Dr. Bailey’s book that contradicts the experiences I’ve had with either the TG group or the gay group.
Regarding the autogynephilia theory, I fail to understand your hostility toward it. You obviously feel that it invalidates TS women or sullies their reputation. I do not understand why you feel this way.
I have said that I became sex changed because I was afflicted with the autogynephilia condition. Let me explain how I have justified this action.
I think there is much more to a sex drive than the erotic desires and pleasures it gives rise to. I think it is a powerful force that is active within you at all times, not just when you are aroused. It is like a river that flows in your consciousness. And at every moment, and in every activity, you are either swimming, as it were, along with the current of this river within you, or you are swimming against the current of this river. Either the current of the river is propelling you forward or you are expending energy opposing it, that is.
Now there is nothing you can do to change the kind of sex drive that you have. The sex drive assumes its form during the teen years, or earlier, and once it has assumed its form there is no changing it. If you turn out deviant, say, homosexual or paraphilic that is a fact of your existence that you must learn to live with.
Thus, if you are autogynephilic that is how the river that flows within you is. And you are confronted with an existential decision. You must either live your life swimming against the current of the river that your autogynephilia is, i.e., you must oppress it. Or else you must go with it — you must swim with the current behind you.
To conclude, I did not choose to undergo sexual reassignment surgery because I sought sexual gratification — I did this because I sought a better life.
Finally, it would seem that my choice has worked out well for me. My Mom and sister have twice come out to SF (from the Chicago area) to see me, and they are of the opinion that I am much happier as Kendra than I was as Ken.
I believe that my therapist, Dr. Anderson, considers my transition to be a success story.
It is true that I am happy as Kendra. I do not think I was unhappy as Ken, but I like my life as Kendra very much and I am sure I shall never regret my decision.
Sincerely, Kendra Susan Blewitt
P.S. I am sending a copy of this letter to Dr. Bailey.
Additional materials (8 May 2003)
Dear Andrea, I would like to add something to my Kendra-Letter. I have sent two e-mails to Dr. Bailey that I would like to add, along with some general comments. Very often I hesitate to call myself a transsexual to other transsexuals because I know they will deny that I am a transsexual. I am not one to barge into places where I feel unwelcome, and very often I do feel unwelcome in transsexual circles. Very often I am made to feel like an intruder by transsexuals when I refer to myself as a transsexual. The general public treats me with much more respect than the transsexual group does. I don’t get called a man in a dress very often when I am interacting with ordinary people. I get called a man in a dress routinely when I am interacting with transsexuals. That is what I am to many, if not to most of them — a man in a dress. Up the line we autogynephilic transsexuals are going to have to form a group of our own. The present situation is intolerable for us. We are made to feel like freaks or perverts by what should be our own people more than by anyone else. We need a group that we can belong to as equal, full-fledged members. We need to belong to a group where we can feel proud to be what we are. Belonging to a group where we are “false transsexuals” is beneath our dignity and is even unhealthy for us. We need a group of our own. I know that unity is in our general interest as transsexuals. We are being discriminated against in the workplace. This is a big problem. There are other problems that we all have in common as transsexuals. But what do we autogynephilic transsexuals have in common with anyone? What we need more than anything else right now is a sense of identity. We need that more than we need fair play in the workplace.
First Letter to Dr. Bailey:
Dear Dr. Bailey,
I think the cause of all the hostility directed toward you and your book by so many transsexuals is that they cannot bear the truth. They have not built their houses of the sense of self on the bedrock of knowledge but on the sandy soil of mere belief, and now the earth is shaking and their houses are falling down — their sense of self is breaking apart and they are experiencing the pain of deep insecurity.
I do not think Dr. Benjamin was acting completely as a scientist when he drew a sharp distinction between a cross-dresser (“transvestic fetishist”) and a transsexual. I think the man was a friend to transsexuals. I think he sympathized with them and wanted to give them some legitimacy in the medical field as well as in the general public’s opinion. And he was smart enough to realize that this could not be done if sex in the sense of erotic desires was a part of the meaning of transsexualism. So, to get what he wanted, he drew a line between those who cross-dressed for sexual reasons and those who cross-dressed for “gender” reasons.
I believe that Benjamin’s distinction between the “transvestic fetishist” and the “true transsexual” was more polemical than scientific. It was a smart thing to do to get what he wanted, i.e., to give transsexuals some social legitimacy.
This distinction was a necessary thing, given public opinion regarding sexual matters that existed at the time — i.e., thirty, forty or fifty years ago. But it was not the product of a search for truth. It was Rhetoric as opposed to Philosophy, as Plato would put it.
It was good. It worked. Transsexuals were treated less like criminals. A giant stride forward was taken in this respect. However, whenever mere rhetoric gets institutionalized and given the title of “established fact”there are certainly going to be problems up the line.
Sooner or later this theory that was “rhetoric that worked” is going to be examined by scientists, by men whose interest is the truth.
And this will cause problems. The “myth of gender” that Benjamin gave birth to and which has been institutionalized for a long time now, and given the title of “established fact,” has become deeply integrated in the sense of self that exists in many, if not almost all transsexuals. As this myth is being exposed as myth or discredited as scientific theory the poor transsexual women of the present day are getting their egos melted down, and they are experiencing the pain of deep insecurity.
I do not see that anyone is to blame for the pain that many transsexual women are presently going through. Benjamin meant well and he was very successful in a practical way. He bettered the lots of transsexuals, to be sure. But there was a price that would have to be paid in the future that came along with his good work.
There is Science and there is the Political. Rhetoric, the art of engendering belief, is what works in the Political. The scientist hates rhetoric and will destroy it. No one is to blame for the pain we observe in transsexuals today. There is Science and there is the Political. What is happening is just a natural event of the world we live in.
Sincerely, Kendra Blewitt
Second Letter to Dr. Bailey:
Dear Dr. Bailey,
I read your response to the article that appeared in the Stanford paper. I also clicked on “from the beginning” and read the whole thing you wrote.
It was very good.
Lynn Conway’s actions constitute censorship. How can someone who calls herself an intellectual, a scientist, etc., justify this?
These transsexuals are complaining that if your opinions become accepted by society they will be adversely affected personally. People won’t see them as women anymore but as men who have a sexual condition.
That is the truth of what they are, in my opinion. They are men living as women who are doing this, in the final analysis, because they have a sexual condition.
They want to believe that they were born with a female gender identity. This way there is a sense in which they are true women – and they are dependent upon this belief.
I don’t think there is any such thing as an innate sense of self.
Maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes it does seem that I was a girl all along. I think this is because I have been living as a woman for two years now, and my sense of self has been affected by this experience. But maybe I was born with a female gender identity.
I am willing to be reasonable and discuss the matter. Are they? No, there is something they are dependent upon. There is something that they need to believe. They cannot afford to be reasonable.
They will try to have it made “politically incorrect” to espouse the autogynephilia theory.
One thing they have conveniently forgotten is the effect that the institutionalization of the gender identity theory has had on autogynephilics like me. We are not true transsexuals but mere transvestic fetishists, according to this theory. Isn’t that nice? We live as women too. We don’t like being made to feel like a man in a dress any more then these “true ones” do.
The “true ones” have been doing this to us for a long time — denying that we are real transsexuals and making us feel like a man in a dress. I guess they don’t remember.
Sincerely Kendra Blewitt
Kendra’s note to me (sent 18 May 2003)
Hi Andrea,
The photo you asked for is included as an attachment.
At first I was going to send you a “nice girl” photo. It was a photo of me with my Mom. It was taken when she and my sister came from the Chicago area to visit me in San Francisco last November.
I decided instead to send you a sexy photo. This one was taken last September, a month after I’d had SRS.
Why a sexy one? Andrea, why did you call Anne Lawrence a “brick”? Would you have said such a hurtful thing if she were not promoting the autogynephilia theory? Do you think that those of us who identify as autogynephilic are doing so out of resentment because we are physically too man-like to pass and live in stealth? I chose the photo I did because I wanted to show you that I have a good body. (It is a terrible photo of my face. I was drunk at the time. Very drunk.)
Andrea, I have a body that has sex appeal to men. Andrea, I have not gotten breast implants, as you can see. Why is that? It is because I am confident of my sex appeal. I know I can turn men on even though I’m flat. Andrea, are you that confident? Do you think your body is good enough that you could afford to be flat? Well, I am that sure of myself. I haven’t bothered with breast implants for that reason.
It is the same with my voice as it is with my flat chest. If I had to I would do something about it. But I don’t have to. My sex appeal is good enough that I can get away with talking like a man.
Now then, the most passable TS woman I know is a plain jane who is fat. She is great at passing as a woman, yet her appeal to men is nil.
There is no correspondence between passability and the ability to have men want you as a lover. Passability does not imply attractiveness, and attractiveness does not imply passability.
By what authority has it been determined that the true woman of our kind is the one who can pass? Is this written in the Book of Moses, or what?
I say the criterion of who is a true woman of our type is how good you are at getting an attractive, masculine man to want you to be his lover.
I am good at that. Therefore, I am a true woman.
Sincerely, Kendra
Kathleen Anne Becker is an American veterinarian and “autogynephilia” activist.
Background
Becker was born in September 1953. Becker earned a master’s degree from the University of Louisville and worked at Louisville Gas & Electric while pursuing a veterinary degree at Auburn. Becker was deeply involved in local equestrian communities and was interested in treating horses.
On June 25, 1979, Becker was arrested and charged in the murders of parents Helen E. (Berg) Becker and Howard I. Becker Jr., as well as nine-year-old nibling Erika Elizabeth Higgins, who had also been raped. Although detectives testified that they got a confession from Becker that night, the trial ended in acquittal on all charges. Becker’s three siblings all supported their accused sibling and used the inheritance of their dead parents to mount the defense.
In 1990, Becker married horse trainer Leesa Brotzge, but they later divorced. In 2004, Becker got a legal name and gender change.
Becker worked as an on-call horse veterinarian in Indiana and Kentucky for many years before moving to Virginia and living with Faith King. Becker’s company Häst manufactures large animal rescue equipment for fire departments and zoos.
Bailey’s work is gritty, controversial, and sure to create a fire storm in the transsexual community. Many will see themselves reflected in the pages, but only after a gut wrenching bout of deep and honest introspection. However, caution must be taken, as with any reference working on the forefront of developing understanding, it cannot be taken as the final word, but rather an opening salvo for further discussion, debate, and research that will either reinforce or refute the evidence. Ultimately, as difficult as it might have been to read, Bailey’s work has been a beacon of light to this conflicted soul.
I corresponded with Becker in June 2003.
You are one of four people of whom I am currently aware who are willing to be out about having a paraphilic reason for seeking transition and genital modification. As such, I would like to get more information on your experiences and philosophy regarding transition.
In a long reply, Becker mentions belonging to another “type” based on psychological profiling (Myers-Briggs “INTJ”). Some trans and gender diverse people want to be classified based on what they feel is a scientific system, as if this explains or legitimizes their feelings and actions.
Hi Andrea!
With regard to the review of Michael Bailey’s book, I must first state that it may not be possible to adequately state precisely my feelings within the limits of the written word and this E-mail. And secondly, there are areas where I disagree with Bailey and other areas where I do not feel he has gone far enough. Thus, the center of my review suggesting caution in reading the book, and perhaps not taking everything as rote.
I have known all my life that I have been just not “quite right”. Cross dressing, imagining myself as female and placing myself in mental roles, and the classic having difficultly trying to relate with women . . . as a man (although I have always done great as a friend, and in groups have found myself gravitating to the women where I felt more at ease.) And even having an interest in SRS and not understanding why. I had always heard that transsexuals were young, gay, and effeminate, and always knew they were female. I did not fit that standard mold.
In September of 2001, I was browsing through Anne Lawrences site when I happened upon some of the excerpts from Baileys book. To make a long story short, I read my biography from those pages. I was relieved that I finally learned that others have been down the same road. It gave me some validation and direction. And for that, I HAVE to give Bailey credit.
One of the things I have been trying very hard to do is to remember my past as it was, and not reshape it into something more pleasing as I see other persons often do. Doing that has allowed me to realize that this has always been with me, under the surface. And I also feel that being of the temperament type that I am (Myers-Briggs “INTJ”) kept me from being able to enunciate my feelings for so many years.
Here is where I deviate from Bailey. Yes, it does hurt me to think that what I have might simply be a paraphilia. However, with the same level of introspection that I have used before, I have taken a lot of time thinking on this issue. Have I had feelings in the past that were consistent with autogynephilia? The answer to that is “yes”. BUT, having been on hormones for about a year, with testosterone now quite low and manageable, many of those specific feelings have indeed waned. (And I think that Lawrence has reported that persons post SRS have reported similar changes.) I feel very strongly that autogynephilia is driven by testosterone. What has remained is still the feeling of rightness within a female body. And what I definitely have, and have always have had, are many other mental characteristics that are more predominately considered female, such as deep compassion, caring, and understanding the female point of view. So I feel that autogynephilia is just ONE of MANY components of the total transsexual experience, expressed in a variable amount in each individual, and it is driven by testosterone (thus, the reason that female-to-male transsexuals do not have a similar experience).
One of the other reviewers mentioned the “various shades of grey”. I strongly feel that before one can know “grey”, they must first know “black” and know “white”. Therefore, even though Bailey’s book does spell things out in a black and white context, I feel the shades of grey will be filled in eventually.
Andrea, I hope that this is helpful. I know your position is different, and I do respect that. But I do speak from the heart with total honesty. This whole thing has been a tough pill for me to swallow. And for this to be happening while I am making large advances in disaster preparedness on a national task force and taking a very high profile position on these matters seems to have put everything on a collision course. Yet, I know I can no longer live the life of a man, and would take a bullet before being handed that sentence. But some days I just wonder if I can make it.
Again, this E-mail can do little justice to my total thoughts, which have been intense for years. Ultimately, we are all struggling with a condition that none of us asked for. And yet, if asked if I would choose to be “normal” and take on male characteristics and thinking, I would rather be transsexual for all of the rich experience it has offered me, despite the high social price tag. I feel blessed to be allowed to know things most other persons can never know.
I would love to get to meet you someday!
With deepest respects, Kathleen
Kathleen sent the following postscript later that day:
Of COURSE E-mail is not adequate! I keep thinking of more to say!I can state that at one time, when autogynephilia seemed to be at the centerpiece for me, at least with what I saw in myself, SRS WAS a central, primary goal. Now that testosterone is gone, and autogynephilia has waned, my goal for transition is just living full time and being accepted as female. I may never afford SRS, but that is no longer a priority anyway. This would align with my thinking (and with most others) that a person is transsexual first, that happening before birth as suggested by the brain studies. But I feel that the autogynephilic tendencies are added as a result of testosterone. But for some of us, who cannot understand WHY we were the way we were, the autogynephilia is all we saw at the time.
I could discuss this all day, but I HAVE to get to work!!
Again, thank you for taking an interest in what I have to say. I do not totally support Bailey, yet I feel what he has to say is important. I’m hoping someday there may be clarification on the origins and all the variations of gender identity. But where I am today, it doesn’t really matter, as I know deep in my heart that I MUST transition to stay alive.
Kathleen
Above: Becker at work at the emergency veterinary service.
Michael McClure is an American web developer and “autogynephilia” activist.
Background
Michael John “Mike” McClure was born in 1987, grew up in California, and graduated from the University of California, Berkeley with a music degree in 2007. McClure then held a variety of software development roles and did guest and substitute teaching in the San Francisco Bay area. McClure worked at General Assembly, Apple, Fitbit, and Foxconn, as well as contract work at several firms.
McClure is part of the “rationalist” movement associated with sites like Slate Star Codex.
This book has caused quite a stir as the reviews below suggest. The subject matter is controversial, and the author’s approach–first-hand accounts and summaries of the literature–will not appeal to everyone. Despite a reliance on secondary sources, Bailey breaks new ground in this unusually lucid review of the causes of male homosexuality and transsexuality. Most arresting is his claim that there are two types of transsexuality, one related to homosexuality, the other totally different and caused by male identification with the female form. He concludes that both types of transsexuals are rooted in biology. The book should be of interest to therapists who treat transsexuals, as well as preoperative and postoperative transsexuals seeking more information. There is also a helpful “how-to” section on the transition process from male to “female,” including surgery, hormones, etc.
Note: this site erroneously attributed writing published under the pseudonym “Mark Taylor Saotome-Westlake” to McClure. Transgender Map apologizes for the error.
