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Transgender social transition

Most of a gender transition is a social transition. This site tells how to do that.

Background

If you do not know the bold words, you can look them up at the bottom of the page.

We all have a social role. It is like a role in a play, and you are the actor. People think you should follow a script based on who you are. Socialization is how we learn and believe a social role.

Social roles linked to a trait include:

  • age
  • race and ethnicity
  • ability
  • sexual orientation
  • appearance
  • sex

Many places give each new baby a sex assignment. This is often done by looking at the baby’s external genitalia before or right after it is born. Many people will do things based on the child’s sex assignment. For example, they might buy a doll for a girl, but a toy truck for a boy.

A social role that is based on sex assignment is a gender role. Every part of the world has one for each gender they have. So if a society has three genders, it has three gender roles. A gender role is sometimes called a sex role. When some people say “gender is a performance,” they mean that each of us performs our gender role for others, like a play.

Each of us has a gender identity. It is your sense of your own gender. It’s how close we feel inside to a set of gender roles. How we show our gender identity to others is called our gender expression.

For a long time, many places have had two gender roles: masculinity and femininity. They think men should be masculine, and women should be feminine. Over time these places build up rules about what is masculine and what is feminine. What gets built is called a social construction. A lot of people want to change those rules because it’s not fair. These rules can hurt some people.

In a place with two genders, these rules are called a gender binary. Some people don’t follow the rules for their gender binary. For example, a woman might work on cars, which is often thought of as a “masculine” job. Or a man might teach kindergarten, which is often thought of as a “feminine” job.

Some people ignore some or all of their gender role by changing their appearance or behavior. People who do this are called gender diverse, gender nonconforming, and other names. A man might like to paint his fingernails, or a woman might like a hairstyle that is more common among men. Those people are breaking the rules for their gender role. Many people who do these things do not identify as transgender. They agree with their sex assignment. People who are not transgender are called cisgender people.

Transgender people

This site is made for people who are sex and gender minorities. Among those people, one large group is transgender people.

Most people accept their sex assigned at birth, but some people think that theirs was wrong. Their gender identity does not match their assigned sex. Some people feel distress about this. If someone’s distress is bad enough, a medical expert can diagnose them with gender dysphoria or gender incongruence.

Many transgender people decide to do something about their distress. They make social, medical, or legal changes in how they look or act. They make a gender transition. Every person who does this has their own path. Some people make a gender transition even though they do not feel distress.

People who only make a social transition do not always say they are transgender. Some say they are genderqueer. Some other identities for gender diverse people are:

  • nonbinary
  • genderfluid
  • androgynous
  • gender-expansive
  • gender-creative
  • demigender
  • agender

This site talks about the social, legal, and medical parts of a gender transition. For those who want to make a social transition, these parts may help:

Self-acceptance

It is important to question why you want to transition. Here is what transition with NOT do:

  • Transition will not “cure” you.
  • Transition will not make you a different person.
  • Transition will not change your past.
  • Transition will not solve all your problems.

One of the most important steps in transition is self-acceptance. Once you accept and like who you are, you will be in a better place to decide what transition steps are right for you.

Personal safety

Transgender people sometimes face harm from people who do not like us. It is important to think about your personal safety. This includes safety around friends and loved ones.

Transgender people also need to think about online safety. Do not post anything online before you think through the risks. This is especially true of photos and videos. It’s a good idea not to use your real name online if you are interacting with strangers.

Dating and disclosure are an important part of personal safety. You need to think carefully about how and when to tell a potential romantic partner you are trans if they do not know when you meet. Some people might get angry when you tell them.

Name choice

Choosing a new name is a fun part of transition. The name you choose can affect how people respond to you, so it is important to think about the good and bad things about your chosen name.

Voice practice

Some people want to change how their speaking voice sounds as part of their gender expression. Other people do not. It is your choice. Those who do often start with voice practice.

Coming out

Coming out to others is different for everyone. That makes it hard to talk about things that will be true in each case.

  • Timing is important. Do not do it at a time of high stress, like a birthday, anniversary, or crisis. It is better to do it when everyone is happy and calm.
  • You may need to come out more than once. People often do not believe you at first or think it will go away.
  • You may not get the response you want at first. Try very hard to stay calm, even if people say things that hurt you.
  • Do not expect them to accept you right away. Many people need time to process something this big.
  • Answer all their questions. Try to be honest and not angry or defensive.
  • Writing a letter can help. This is a good way to put all your thoughts in one place.
  • Come out to them in person if possible. Do not text, email, or call someone if you can do it in person, unless you think it will be unsafe to do so.

Family issues

One of the most difficult but important parts of transition is gaining acceptance from your family. You may have to gain acceptance from one or more of the following:

  • Your parents or guardians
  • Your siblings and/or step-siblings
  • Your extended family
  • Your partner or spouse
  • Your children

Coming out to family as an adult is different than coming out to family as a young person who is financially dependent on family.

Issues

As more people learn about transgender people, some issues related to trans and gender diverse people get talked about in public. Some of them are controversial. It’s good to know what these issues are and think about where you stand on them.

Movement

Part of gender expression is how you move: your walk, your gestures, and the ways you express yourself with your body. There are ways to change how you move if you want to change them.

Faith

Faith and religious belief can be a source of strength, hope, and fellowship for many transgender and gender diverse people. At the same time, many of us have been hurt in the name of faith. You can find a home in many faiths, probably even the one where you want to find a home.

Skin care

Gender transition, especially medical transition, often has an effect on your skin. Your skin care can play a big part in how others see you. Trans and gender diverse people may experience changes in skin oiliness and thickness, pigment change, acne, unwanted hair, hair loss, and changes in fat distribution. For medical issues related to skin, please see the section on dermatology.

Makeup

Makeup can be a fun part of expressing your gender, especially for transfeminine people. This section explores the many options.

Clothes and accessories

Clothes and accessories can also be a fun part of expressing your gender. This site has a number of resources on clothing:

Diet and exercise

You can have better health before, during, or after a gender transition. It is always the right time to think about diet and exercise. It does not have to cost anything, and it can help your transition go well:

  • Reduce body dysphoria
  • Give you a sense of control in life
  • Help you meet requirements for medical transition options
  • Improve other health problems
  • Improve how clothes look and fit
  • Improve mood, energy, and self-esteem
  • Help with sleep
  • Reduce depression and anxiety
  • Help you save money

“Passing”

When someone makes a gender transition, they may change how they look and act. They do this to match their gender identity. Sometimes the changes they make will cause them to “pass.” That means other people will not always know they made a gender transition. The idea of “passing” is hard to talk about, but if “passing” is a goal you have, you should think about the good and bad things about “passing.”

Handwriting

Studies show that most people can often guess someone’s gender identity based on their handwriting. If this is something that interests you, there are ways to change your handwriting.

Sexuality

As with any group of people, transgender and gender diverse people have a full range of sexual interests and identities. Some transgender people have ordinary sex lives before, during, or after their transitions, while others have unusual sex lives. Below are several sections on sexuality of transgender people and the sexuality of those who are attracted to transgender people. It also looks at interesting issues and controversies involving transgender sexuality.

This page uses easy words. This helps young people read it. This also helps people who do not know many English words. You can use these links to look up words you do not know:

Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary

Cambridge Learner’s Dictionary