Mid 20's observations

[editor's note: Kay sent me the following in May 2002, telling about her experiences since she began transition in her mid-20's. I've changed her name to protect her privacy.]

Hiyas! I just thought I'd share a lil' bit of my experience with you.

I started transitioning just before my 26th birthday (do I still qualify as a young TS, then?), and only in the last 6 to 8 months have had any success in passing, as I plan to go stealth, which is my main goal. I also liked what you said about the attractive ones not being better, just lucky. I think that's something I needed to hear, to be honest with you. I'm petrified of giving off this air that I'm better than anyone, especially those who don't pass well.

Presenting as female now, I have issues with society. I don't really mind getting looked at, although getting honked at bothers me, and a guy stopping his car to ask if I need a ride is just really REALLY creepy!! Which seems to be my main problem in adjusting to the female role; a lot of people seem to think I'm attractive, which is nice, although I don't see myself as such. But the problems that that can cause can be really bad for someone who wasn't raised as a female and is not used to the attention that being percieved as attractive can bring.

You take someone who was raised male, and is used to more or less being looked over (and listened to quite a bit, I should add) rather than looked at. I was pretty much taken as another male electronic musician by society at large most of my life. When I was trying to build up a career doing music, I was thought of as just another geekboi with a computer and a guitar. You take someone who is used to socializing like that and being listened to, put them in a situation where they draw attention based on the way people feel they look, and life becomes DRASTICALLY different, and not all of the changes are for the best.

Hardly anyone except my close friends and family really seem to take me seriously anymore, since I have lost whatever male privledge I had. Straight men around me tend to stare at certain parts of my anatomy. I now understand the phrase "My eyes are up here" all too well. With most guys (and even some lesbians), it can be hard to communicate. Sometimes I have to repeat myself or interrupt a lot to even get what I'm trying to say listened to in the first place. Other TS's seem to have a hard time giving suppurt to me because (as one of my TS activist friends said) I haven't been "raked over the coals enough"; i.e. I don't have a marriage or kids to worry about. That may be true, but, as is the case with most TS's, I have lost the majority of my family on both sides ,and quite a few friends I had in my prior life, to the whole issue of my transitioning.

The upside, though, is that I also have moments where, even just going out shopping or something, women call me "ma'am" and make small talk with me. More NORMAL moments in life, in my honest opinion. That didn't really happen prior to my transitioning. Most of my life, I hadn't felt any sort of emotional connection with either gender. Guys just scared me, and I didn't understand why they acted the way they did, while women didn't really make an attempt to socialize with me as much because I was male. So having the small talk is a good thing.

Also my friendships have changed drastically. Those friends that saw the guy me have stopped talking to me completely, which kinda proves to me the type of friends they were. The friends I've made since I started transitioning have always seen me as Kay and nothing else, so it's easy for them to treat me as female. My friendships with other women also have this underlying current of understanding that I didn't feel with either gender in my prior life. There's more of a sense of knowing where other women are coming from, as well as just knowing what dealing with guys are like from the women's point of view. I can say that, even with the drawback of now being seen as an object or just tits and ass, the positive outweighs the negative aspects by a mile!

Well, that's my experience so far. Currently, I'm back doing music, and my gender now seems to be a plus insofar as gaining fans. There aren't many women doing electronic music, and it seems that it makes people curious about what my music sounds like (for some reason, they think it's going to be something drastically different or something! LOL)

Anyways, any feedback you could give is more than welcome. And thank you for having the site up. A lot of girls like us need support, and it's good to have an understanding person there to talk to.



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