Many popular surgeons have wait lists or schedule surgery dates months or years in advance. Here’s how to get moved up on a list.
The issue
When a popular surgeon has a long waiting list, people make surgery dates far in advance of the time they are ready mentally, socially, or financially, then find they can’t make that pie-in-the-sky date. A significant portion of these scheduled dates cannot be met by patients, though. These same people who reschedule rarely cancel altogether, but “postpone” instead, with no guarantee they’ll make their new date. And so the list keeps getting longer.
Surgeons adhere to the Standards of Care insofar as they usually require two letters from therapists with specific advanced degrees. The therapists are responsible for that decision to recommend.
Setting a date: pros and cons
For some people, setting a surgery date becomes a goal to get money or other requirements together by that date. After all, it’s hard to hit a target that doesn’t exist.
For some people, setting a surgery date is reassuring or validating. Some people in our community even send you “welcome to the club” notes once you announce a set date. These sorts of rewards for setting a date make it tempting for some to set a date for the attention and validation.
However, you risk major disappointment and embarrassment if you are unable to make the date. This puts a lot of unnecessary stress on some people and may not be the best way for you. Some people are devastated when they have to postpone, and fall into a deep depression. Do you want to risk that?
I recommend having everything together before scheduling. At the very least, you should have a realistic budget in place if you’re saving for a specific date. If you’re too ambitious or not brutally honest about how much you can save, you may find yourself forced to reschedule.
In 1998, I scheduled for late March 1999, but I was able to move it up almost a year because I had everything I needed as well as a flexible schedule. If you’re really ready, you can probably go within 8 weeks pretty easily.
For those interested, I have included my presurgical timeline with my surgery journal.
Getting therapist letters
If your surgeon uses a consensus model of care like the WPATH Standards of Care, you will need to find therapists willing to write letters of recommendation.
Ask around before starting with a therapist to see if they’ve ever written letters early. Some therapists follow the Standards of Care religiously. If you do not want to wait for a year, ask women in your area who had a quick “real life experience” who wrote their letters. I had a three-year relationship with my primary therapist, and a one-session relationship with my second one, who basically seconded what my first therapist recommended.
However, just because a therapist recommends one person quickly doesn’t mean that person will recommend you as quickly. A good therapist will approach this on an individual basis.
If your therapist is holding back a letter, start looking elsewhere. Don’t walk out in a huff, but explore other avenues. Too many women just accept “no” as an answer. There’s always a way if you are determined. Therapists are providing a service for which you are paying. If you are not pleased with the service, go elsewhere.
Things you’ll need to get therapist letters early:
- Being able to present as a functioning member of society
- Being mentally well-adjusted and self-accepting
- Being employed
- Being organized
- Being out to all friends, family, and coworkers
- Showing that you’ve thought everything through carefully
- Not being belligerent, suicidal, etc. if they say “Not yet”
- Being able to negotiate and convince them that you are really ready
Things that can’t hurt:
- Being accepted as female at work and outside of work
- Being done with other transition needs (electrolysis, etc.)
- Being in good physical condition
- Being pleasant to your therapist
Getting money
Things you’ll need to get money:
- A pre-transition job (no excuses!)
- A post-transition job (no excuses!)
- A very precise spending plan
- As austere a lifestyle as you’re willing to live
- A realistic savings plan
- A realistic timeframe
See my section on financing transition. Basically, there’s always a way if you’re willing to make certain sacrifices. If that sounds like self-help bullshit to you, and you think, “Well, my situation is hopeless,” then I didn’t write any of this for you. I write this to enable those who would rather achieve their goals than come up with excuses for failure. I know people from ages 22 to 64 who were able to get the money, with all sorts of different financial impediments. This isn’t some rich white conservative pull-yourself-up-by-the bootstraps speech. I’m not saying it’s easy to get the money. I’m just saying it’s definitely possible if you really, really want it.
Final checklist for moving your surgery date up
Things you’ll definitely need:
- Any required therapist letters
- ALL the money
- Flexible schedule
Things that can’t hurt:
- Being employed
- Being in good physical condition
- Meeting the surgeon in person for a consultation
- Asking thoughtful questions
- Having genital hair removal scheduled or completed
- Mentioning friends who’ve been to the surgeon
- Being nice to schedulers and the surgeon