From Within

Chapter Fifteen

A few days quickly passed by, after Vicky's trip to London that had gone so successfully, and life seemed very much normal, of course Danielle had seen Vicky at college, but she was behaving oddly; at least in Vicky's eyes.  She was not making any attempt to talk to her, yet Danielle did seem to be looking at her more.  Vicky was very curious as to what was wrong, they were not the closest of friends admittedly, but certainly they were never like this around each other before.  On one lunchtime, Vicky sat down at the table where Danielle was sitting for lunch, immediately Danielle looked curiously uncomfortable.


"Hey there" Vicky said very chirpy.

"Hi" Danielle uttered solemnly.


She was going through a major ordeal, she did not know whether to tell Vicky about the passport she found, she was not even sure if this 'evidence' lead to what she believed, which was in fact correct.  For Vicky she was very happy to keep herself in stealth, where no one knew or needed to know of her gender history.  Except of course loved ones and those she was especially close to, such as Alex.  Danielle had further problems, did she tell Vicky there and then, or tell someone else before, did Alex know?


"You did get my notes?" Vicky asked as Danielle took a bite of her sandwich.  She saw this as her opportunity and made her decision.

"I did, you know..." she paused and backed down "....doesn't matter" she said looking at Vicky's face for signs she was, is, had been or had anything like a boy.  She looked at the face, just an average female face, she was not tall at 5'6", she sounded like a girl, and well looked as she always did, nothing if truth was told majorly stunning about her, but just pretty.

"What?  Is something up?" Vicky asked. There was an awkward silence as Danielle swallowed another mouthful of her sandwich and laid it down on the table.  She took a sip of her cola and this time, she did not pause.

"When I picked up the work.... I noticed that..." she paused again

"What?" Vicky said laughing not realising the impending severity of what was about to be said.

"I saw your passport and looked out of curiosity, and...." she tailed off and turned away almost ashamed.


Vicky immediately realised the impact of what she meant, she froze rigid on her chair looking almost blank and holding on to the crumbling life she felt was merely seconds away from destroying everything she had. She would be outed to everyone, ridiculed, and ostracised.  She began to cry.


"Were you a...." Danielle asked still looking away in shame.  Vicky paused and began to cry more and more tears of pain.

"No!" she exclaimed as she sniffed "I never was and never will be" she said as her head felt into he arms in spates of tears.


Danielle looked to see the shrivelled up being in front of her crying and totally beside herself, she looked almost no longer with shame, or anger, but saw what a delicate thing she was.  She was just the same person she knew before she discovered her passport as she was now.  She placed her hand on Vicky's shoulder and thought carefully at her reaction.


"It's OK, I won't say anything, but you can always talk to me" Danielle said almost in apologetic tone.  Vicky still sobbed and sniffed, slowly she raised her head, red eyed and bleary, blotchy emotion and shock ridden complexion, she smiled deeply and without thinking flung her arms out to hug Danielle.

"Thank-you" Vicky muffled and mumbled, "I can explain everything..." she said.

"That's ok honey, you don't need to explain anything to me at all" Danielle said holding her close.  Vicky pulled away and pulled a tissue out to wipe the tears up,

"I must look a right mess" she said.

"Erm, yes you do!" Danielle joked as she looked at the mascara run than had come from Vicky's weeping.  "Lets go to the loos, and tidy you up hon'" she smiled.  "That sandwich was horrible anyway!" she joked tossing it into the bin.


They entered the loo and Vicky wiped off the tear streams from her cheeks and took Danielle's mascara that she offered and tidied up quickly.  It was quiet in the loo, a chance to talk perhaps.  Danielle kept reassuring Vicky it was OK, and that it did bother her at all, and that she would keep quiet about everything, this did not of course stall the questions running around in her mind.


"So how long have you been like, living..." Danielle said to be abruptly interrupted,

"A year" Vicky said screwing the lid back onto the mascara tube.

"Oh, before college then" Danielle said tailing off uneasy only to be re-aroused by curiosity.

"Does Alex know?" she continued rather abruptly.

"Why all the questions Dani!" Vicky snapped as she looked up at her friend's face, was she still a friend?

"Sorry" Danielle said looking at the ground.

"Hey look we are still friends, but you've betrayed my trust, can I really trust you and what you say. What did I do to hurt you so much, you know this is going tot take me time to get over all this." Vicky said brushing past her friend opening the door to the canteen.  She turned around and continued "and yes he does know."  She said walking off almost numb, she had to find Alex, she may have put a brave face on just then, but inside she felt incredibly weak and insecure, she just wanted somebody she could cuddle up to and find support.


Vicky walked out the door, head hung low as she held satchel close, turned the corner and,

"Ouch, watch out where... oh hey there hunnie" smiled the face, it was Alex.  "I was just coming in there to see you and here you are looking really down, what's wrong hun?" he asked holding both her hands and seeing her in a fragile state.  She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight.

"It's ok, it's ok" he said as the tears began to weep more from her weary eyes.  'What has happened, talk to me hun!" Alex said with desperation.  She pulled away and looked up,

"Can we just go home and talk?  It's nothing about us, something bad has happened, I'm very scared!" she said with a shrill tone in her voice.


Alex looked down at her weak soul weeping in the corridor drawing attention, he smiled uncomfortably to those who looked to see what the commotion was about.  He took her hand and lead her softly to the the bus stop outside, which was empty, the number three bus had just left.


"I don't know what has happened yet, but I'm glad I found you" he said smiling at her, despite her terrible emotional state.

"So am I, I don't think I could live without you Alex" she sniffed looking at his big baby like eyes.

"Ssshhh my baby, calm, it will be alright" he said placing his finger on her lips and placing a very delicate loving, tender kiss on her lips, she pulled him close and nestled under his neck, she needed his support and love right now.


The bus arrived and they sat on the top deck, right at the front with Vicky leaning on Alex's shoulder, tersely explaining what had happened.  Alex was very concerned and listened attentively to what she said and just reassured her that no matter what he would stay with her and stand up for her if the worst came to worst.  The bus arrived at the stop and Alex asked whether she would prefer to go to his or her house, she decided on his as nobody would be in and they could sit in privacy and have some time to themselves.  Before the news which Danielle delivered, Vicky was riding on a high, feeling quite romantically charged and just wanted to spend some tender time with each other.  The summer was there at last, it was warm and being something of a romantic in her heart, she had envisions of long lazy summer days having a picnic and plenty of time together.  That all seemed to distant for her now, such a sad thought.  They walked hand in hand to his house, he plucked the key out of his wallet and let her in.  She walked into the lounge and picked up the bean bags and pointed to the stairs to say she was taking them to his bedroom.


"Tea Vicky?" he yelled out.

"How about a big mug of hot chocolate for us to share" she said smiling, poking her head around the corner.

"Yeah.... that would be good, we haven't done that since winter!" he laughed thinking back.

"Bit too warm now to be all snuggled up under a blanket now" she said as she walked off upstairs.


Alex stood their waiting for the milk to boil chuckling to himself, and thinking what on earth would he do without his romantic sweetheart!  He plucked the big mug out of the cupboard and popped the cocoa power in, whistling away and pouring the milk in.  Meanwhile Vicky was making good of the bean bags which they could cuddle up on, and sat down and felt a lot better just having her boyfriend's company.  Eventually she heard the footsteps up the staircase and Alex popped his head around cheekily poking his tongue out playfully.  She laughed and told him to stop being silly and sit down. Of course she did not want him to stop being silly, she just wanted Alex to cuddle up to and share some intimate loving affection.


He brought in the big mug, deliberately taking a big sip leaving a big white froth mark around his lips,

"Oh you silly boy" she laughed, "what will I do with you" she said kneeling, before placing her lips on his and sharing a passionate kiss, she lapped up the froth and dipped her hand in the mug and dobbed a bit on his nose. "You have to get it on the nose, not your lips!" she joked.

"Well I hope you haven't brought me home just because you wanted to have a cuddle and kiss!" he paused "Well in truth I won't object obviously" he smiled as he sat down one of the beanbags and put his arms around Vicky.

"So what really happened?" he asked.

"Can we talk about it later, right now, I just need some comforting love..." she said looking again up to his eyes.

"Sure..." he answered "so something bad has gone down though, obviously" he asked further.

"Yeah, but you have made me feel so much better already my hunnie bunny" she said feeling very soppy.  He picked up the mug and Vicky took a sip and likewise so did he, he put the mug back and laid back and rolled up close to Vicky and held her by her hips, and the two drew close and kissed, and cuddled on the floor, being silly and sharing the mug of hot chocolate.  It would be prude to say they were not snogging as they clearly were, Vicky needed this closeness right now.  Eventually the two drifted off slowly holding each other.


A few hours later a voice came up from the stairs,

"Alex, do you...." it was his mum, she poked her head around the door and saw her son and his girlfriend lying on the bean bags snuggled up snoozing away together...  She just sighed and felt immense happiness for her son, she quietly closed the door and uttered "...young puppy love" and chuckled to herself as she walked down the steps with the cup of tea she had made her son.  Within an hour of Alex's mum poking her head around, Alex stirred to find Vicky angelically in his eyes still asleep, he kissed her tenderly, which awoke the slumbering princess slowly, her eyes slightly ajar staring right into Alex's eyes.

"Hey hun" he said a little gruffly having just awoken too. "How's my sleeping beauty" he smiled.

She smiled back at him and gave him a kiss "I'm on cloud nine" she said, knowing of all the daydreams she had that only were mere fantasy, but this was real.  There was a pause as Alex studied her and looked back at her face, and touching her hand, he continued to smile.  And said the three words he never really had said before,

"I love you" he said with tender breath placing another golden kiss on her lips.


She did not stir, she stared back almost deadly still, and placed her hand on his stubbly check and a small tear dropped from her eyes, and another, she breathed in and placed her lips on his and kissed slowly, drew back slowly and uttered "I love you too".  He sat up slowly running his hand over her body, her strappy top and baggy trousers, she looked up smiling, and brought herself to sit up close to him.  She leant on his shoulder and he held her close, nothing need to be said, it was delicately perfect.


"So what happened" asked Alex as he stirred and woke up more.

"Danielle found my passport" Vicky responded in total calmness.

"What?!" Alex said as he swung around from looking out the window.

"She came over to pick some college work up and out of curiosity she looked at the back, and the photo, I should have had it changed, it is my fault" she sighed.

"And is she going to do anything?  Is she going to cause your trouble?" he said almost in desperate overtones.  There was an uneasy silence.

"No, she is not like that, it will take me time to forgive and trust her again quite obviously, but I don't think she would ever, ever desecrate my desire to be, well known only to those who need to know, those being the ones I trust, and most of all, love" she smiled back at him.  He smiled back and held his hand out to her, as he flung the window open.

"Isn't that perfect?" he said looking out the window towards the sea beyond and the golden beach.  He did not live far from the beautiful sands.  She walked up to him and held him around his waist and peeked around, and looked up and back out to the golden scene,

"It is utterly perfect" she said almost whispering, Alex turned around and Vicky tip toed to kiss and cuddle.

"Alex, I've said it before, I don't know what I would do without you"

"And I don't know what to do with you" he joked as Vicky gasped knowing it was a joke and slapped his chest.

"That's just what I love about you, hunnie" she said as she rested in his arms looking out at the beauty of the view.  The peace that landscape portrayed struck into her heart, and for the first time in her life, she had found her peace.


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